The Calling begins...Book #1 Qualia has been released!

Hardcover Version Cover

So in about mid December I finished the tenth edit of The Calling Series Book One: Qualia. My first endeavor was to publish in hardcover. I wanted a collector's edition for myself, close friends and family, eventual fans and for people that just dig hardcovers in general! I really wanted a high quality collector's item, and so I got just that! I used a photo of the Shattuck BART station in Berkeley, CA, which parts of Chapter one and three take place. It creates a vortex look, which is an image that has resonated with me for many years beginning with dreams I used to have with an iron spiral staircase when I was a tiny child, to mindless drawings I would doodle during classes as a teenager (and beyond it still happens now in grad school). I took that photograph with my pal Yvette Mangual in early Spring 2010. The one I actually showcased on facebook and deviant art is a different photo, the one for the cover I just had saved in my throw aways until I decided to work on the cover and discovered how perfect it was! Just imagine the cover is Eden's view as he's being carried out of the station, because that's basically the idea I had.

For $32.52 on Lulu you get an original photograph of mine as the cover, the Calling Series Book One: Qualia on high quality paper with a glossy hardcover (kind of feels like a small textbook). I tried to price things as low as I could while still making sure I got something. If you purchase this from Lulu.com I actually get ten bucks, once it is available anywhere else I get like a penny just to give some information on that. You can preview it online to the tenth page, which is the first page of Chapter 1, before purchasing. My Lulu Page.

After Christmas, and doing some research, I embarked on publishing the book on the Kindle. No easy feat I will let you know. I had to brush up on some very old HTML skills. Don't let anyone tell you that someone is taking the easy road by self publishing. Basically you're doing the work of an entire publishing house! However, I feel the experience has been very rewarding. I actually am really proud of the way it looks on the Kindle because I worked so hard on it to make sure the formatting was done well. It isn't perfect, none of the versions are, I learned a lot from doing my own formatting, and I'm excited to improve my skills as I publish more books in the future. So for $1.00 you can read Qualia on the Kindle and Kindle Fire through Amazon.com. The pictures featured here don't do it justice, but taking a picture of the Kindle Fire's beautiful high def screen with an iphone probably isn't the best way to get the best photo of it. You can preview it on your Kindle before purchasing. Also you can download the Kindle app to the iPad or iPhone to read it on those devices.

If you are interested in publishing to the Kindle I'm happy to help, answer any questions etc. I'd even be willing to format it for you for a small fee. If you are a DIY kind of person check out Format Your Ebook For Kindle by Derek J. Canyon.

It has been very important to me that I publish to every format someone might want to read my book on. So on Lulu there is an Ebook publishing option. So I published Qualia in that format as well. It runs on Adobe Digital Editions, which is a free app, and can then be read on any device that isn't a Kindle, so your Apple products, PCs etc. It is available in this format for $1.25.

Qualia in Adobe Digital Editions on my Computer

I did the ePub, Kindle and trade paperback versions of Qualia on one very long Sunday. Once I mastered the Kindle it was really easy to do the rest. I already had a formatted manuscript, the artwork, the backcover blurb and photo, it was just a matter of uploading and checking to make sure I liked the finished product. Since I already was really happy with the hardcover I allowed myself to play with some of the templates for the tradepaper and with some feedback from my fiancee Michelle, decided upon the blue universe looking framework for the cover of the trade paper. I actually kind of like this version the best, it feels right in my hand and really makes me want to curl up on the couch with an afghan and read (although I will admit I've read it in every version, not to check it, but for fun). For  $15.43 you can get the tradepaper at lulu, it is also in the process of being distributed to other online retailers and possibly will be available on request in stores, once I know more I'll of course let the internets know.
           Lastly this week I published to the Nook. Lulu's distribution service took almost two weeks to tell me that Qualia had been rejected for the Nook. It took me 48 hours to publish to the Nook with 2 minor changes to my formatting. So if you're trying to use Lulu's ePub format to publish to the Nook and are encountering problems, try doing it yourself through Pubit, which is the Nook self publishing site, you might be pleasantly surprised with how easy it is. I actually really liked the Barnes and Noble system for uploading my manuscript a little more, there were more options for how to categorize Qualia and it felt more like publishing to me for some strange reason. Perhaps I'm just used to how Barnes and Noble does things since I used to work for them (yes the first chapter is entirely about that time of my life, no that manager is not YOU, or is it?) I don't own a Nook (I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas from my fiancee cuz she's awesome!), but I think it's a really cool device and want people that own one and are interested in my work to be able to read it. So I downloaded the Nook app to my computer and to my iphone to preview Qualia and it looks really nice.

On the Nook previewer for PC

Everyone that has purchased my book or will in the future, thank you. The Calling is something I have to write and publish and experience, there is no getting away from it. I dream asleep and awake about this world constantly and have to say that it is my opus, it is my destiny to complete. It will probably be about six books, or six story arcs, meaning I don't want to publish 6 books at 600 pages each. I like the 300 page mark so if that means the arcs come in two parts etc I'll publish as such, as long as it doesn't mean they won't make sense as a book with a beginning/middle/end that is clear. Thank you again, you're making my dream come true and it means so much to me. Happy to chat with you about it, as a matter of fact I can't wait to!
If you want a signed copy just hit me up with a comment here or on facebook and we'll figure out the details on shipping etc. I'm happy to do that, I mean this is my dream so I frakkin' better be happy to do that right? I also have business cards to advertise for the blog and the book if you want one as a collector's item or want a stack to hand out to people that might be interested, just let me know. Happy to sign one for you too. Glossy prints of the cover can be done up as well if anyone is interested that perhaps wants a signed book but owns it on a Kindle/Nook/Ebook device.
I really hope you take the time to post comments here on the blog and to review my book on any (or all please!) of the sites it is availble. Spread the word, let's keep this indie publishing scene alive!
Thanks to Sharon Shutjer who shouted out on amazon.com for me! Gave Qualia 4/5 stars, hot damn!
"This is a pretty good book for a first time author! It moves very quickly and its full of adventure. Sort of a matrix meets vampire diaries meets hunger games all rolled into one. Good character development. I am looking forward to what he writes next!!! It was entertaining and the fact that the story was based in the bay area made it all the more familiar. Keep up the good work. " - Makes a brother feel gooood.

Thanks everybody, for everything, sincerely,

Goodnight 2011

Another year is ending. When I think of this year I immediately fall into the trap of grief. We lost friends, family and promises this year, and thus it was a hard year.

However, to delve into my memories I find a lot of amazing things that also occurred. Chef and Gypsy got married and I officiated their wedding! I got a raise at work in the beginning of the year and a promotion at the end of this year. I got engaged and had a wonderful engagement party. I went on four amazing vacations, one to Oregon to visit the Costello family whom I love and adore, then we went to Coloma with Patrick and Bobbi and camped for the weekend which was great. We lived a glorious week in Las Vegas with Michelle's family and it was heavenly. And we made our yearly trek down to So-Cal with Patrick to the blizzcon and got to hang with Michelle's sister and brother in law at their new beautiful house (it has a pool!).

I finished my year of volunteering committment at the Contra Costa Crisis Center, and continue to volunteer there now, almost six months later. I've even been trained to do some staff shifts. I look forward to seeing how my time there evolves over the next few weeks, months, years.

I ended my time at Family Support Services of the Bay Area after a year and a half. My duties at Windrush and grad school just didn't allow much time to support any families other than my own, so I resigned.

Windrush has given me so much in experience. I really hope it survives. If you wanna learn more about it check out the El Cerrito Patch, warning on the comments they get ugly.

I started grad school and while it was one of the hardest most harrowing experiences of my life I made it through. I met some amazing people that I will be working with for the next three years and I'm excited to learn and gain more experience.

And I published my novel, which makes me feel like I'm more in line with my own personal wants. I feel balanced with work, school and writing. Getting engaged and working on wedding plans with Michelle is making me feel like "family" is more balanced, we really want to nest and create our own little clan and every step gets us closer to that. We're trying hard to re-connect with family as adults and create a support system for ourselves, as well as offering support and love to reciprocate.

I've been narrowing down my social committments. Trying to keep it to band practice and dinner here and there, it isn't what I want, but school and work and wedding plans kind of demand it. I look forward to re-connecting with some of my friends in the new year, I need to be on more of a schedule to hang with them.

I normally kick off a new year with a long list of todos, but this year I'm really going to take the time to just be more healthy. Less meat, less soda, less sugar, more veggies and fruits, water and whole grains and more exercise. I really want to look and feel great at my wedding and even if I don't lose a single pound, as long as I've changed my lifestyle towards a healthier one I truly believe I'll have achieved that.

So wherever you are I wish you a happy and safe New Years Eve!

PS- I published my book here is a link to it- Qualia
The best way to help if you're interested is to obviously buy it, but to also post about it on social media sites, buy it for people that you think may be interested in it and or tell people about it. Also writing reviews on amazon.com or wherever you purchased the book is great too! Thanks, sincerely yours,

Stephan Lawrence Theodore Clifford

Graded Incomplete

I’m open to listening to your plight, just don’t assume I don’t have a plight all my own…

Lord knows on the sliding scale you pulled the shitty straw…

I’m willing to walk in your shoes…

Don’t assume that just because I’m “white” that I haven’t gotten used to the siren’s ring…

All these expectations of who I’m supposed to be has got me feeling like I’m failing…

Maybe starting out expecting to fail is a better way? How about you sit down here and tell me all about it. Amuse me, will you, because lord knows I can just go home tonight…

Is it wrong that while you speak all I can think about is how much I’d like to kiss you? Wrap my arms around you, feel you against my heart. If only the world had born me differently. ..

If I say the wrong thing now will I always be a bigot in your eyes? All I wanna do is impress upon you that I’m not…that great great great, who wasn’t all that great…I’m not him, you ain’t her. The world ain’t perfect, but maybe together we can make it better?

I’m not superman, no matter how much that I pray I was. I just want to make the world a better place. And you know I’m not perfect, stupid shit is bound to fly out my mouth, but when I look upon you I see something so beautiful that my heart screams. You’re waiting for the world to let you live, and all I want is for you to notice me when you walk by…

My people came here to escape persecution, only to buy your people and persecute them. Will we ever learn from history’s lessons, or are we destined to be graded incomplete?

Now that the haves are becoming the have nots, the recession has left us cold while the 1% burn money to stay warm…

But nothing has really changed for you, struggling for every dollar you make, while the rest of the world doesn’t believe you’re worthy, the oppressed becoming the greedy spoiled brats in the eyes of the oppressor…

Pay into a social security system you’ll never live long enough to draw from, the smog from the 80 corridor filling your lungs as you run through cracked asphalt lined with weeds. ..

That’s ok, my parents have smoked, drank and fatty foods themselves into a destitute life, reaping the benefits of your oppression, so none of that money will be left for me either. ..

Maybe we can rebuild a better world once we’re standing on the ashes of the one they’ve so easily destroyed…

I just hope you’re willing to take me as I am, and I hope I’m able to understand you, as you are…

Bleh

I start graduate school tomorrow. Whenever I say that to someone they smile and get excited for me. It must be unnerving when I respond with a less than enthusiastic facial expression, that or I've gotten good at faking it.

Lots of things are happening because of this momentous occasion. It means that now I'm locked in to school for the next three years. It may be like school I know, or it could be completely different or a hybrid of old and new experiences. It's not that I don't like change, it's just that I was becoming pretty comfortable ya know...having a social life, having time to pursue my artistic pursuits, having the house clean most of the time. School basically means that my regular life stops and school life begins, and while the information (I have even found the textbook to be a great read!) is something I can totally geek out on, I'm just not really fucking looking forward to being a student again. This makes me feel like a jerk since I know people that are desparate to be in the situation I'm in, back in school, already accepted. I mean the grad school application process is torturous. It's like selling yourself to a masked man unsure of what that might mean for your future. Let's be real though, without graduate school and going into even more debt (BA, House, Graduate School, Wedding, Kids, who's not in debt these days?) there just isn't any possible way to make decent money, and even talking to people with PhDs, lemme tell ya, there just is no guarantee on that American Dream anymore, no amount of hardwork and education means you'll survive this recession shitstorm.

It's been hard enough balancing writing, photography, cleaning, wedding planning (I got engaged in June), golf, band practice with two jobs, somewhat of a social life, volunteering and hey maybe my fiance might wanna see me sometime. Did I mention the three bulldogs I love? Now I'm adding in school, and I imagine this won't be the 'show up randomly, the tests will be easy if I read the book' school I managed to skate through to earn my BA. Now that doesn't mean I didn't work my assets off to get my BA, but it was easy for me. The classes that were hard I put more effort into, but the easier classes I could kinda skip to focus my energy on the harder ones (this only bit me in the ass once). 

It's been a year and  half since I got done with undergrad. It was a ten year ordeal I tell ya to finish. I dropped out a ton of times because I just couldn't afford not to work. Finally after a wall of dog food almost crushed me and a friend of mine I quit my job at Petco and begged my then girlfriend (now fiance) to let me go to school full time and just get the goddamn thing done, to my surprise and great gratitude she agreed. So in just over a year I powered through 12-16 units a quarter and worked harder than I've ever worked. I got done, and didn't get into grad school and didn't find work for three months. Man I wish that version of myself would show up and kick me in the balls so I could appreciate tomorrow more. lol...

So during those three months of no work I finished a novel that had been rattling in my brains for years. So you see the real issue here right? Tomorrow means I didn't get published, and I ran out of time to self publish and get started on that publishing company. I mean this is really mostly my own fault. I should have just done it, but I got scared and tried to involve equally crazy busy other people to my plan and then I couldn't spearhead it anymore, so it fell through.

Tomorrow doesn't mean I can't complete my plans, it just means I didn't get them done before undertaking this new endeavor, and I'm disappointed in myself. It also means some things are going to have to go from my life. I will have to start putting social events into the lotto machine to see which one I can attend while reading 100+ pages a week and writing papers. I hope friends understand that my appearances will be random now. I hope that relationships I've worked really hard to attain and maintain (thank god for facebook really) will still be there in three years when I'm done and can finally (if the gods allow it) have a full time decent paying (I've never made anything over 15k a year so ya know my expectations are way low) full time job with benefits towards my licensure.

My wise mind says that I may lose some friends and then gain new ones, but I really don't want new friends, or at least my emotion mind says that.

I have so much to be thankful for. So I feel like an ass for even being depressed or feeling stressed out about this. But ya know I figured blogging about it was better than just sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

I'm looking forward to meeting new people, learning new things and applying the things I've learned in my previous schooling/work/volunteer ventures. I'm also lucky enough to have a friend from my undergrad in my classes with me, which knowing someone on the first day totally makes life a lot easier. So it appears I've just therapied myself, I feel a ton better.