How do you do it?

People ask me this all of the time. "How do you do it?" They are normally asking this because I work full time, am a graduate student, indie writer-publisher-promoter, I'm planning a wedding with my fiancée, have dogs, cats, birds, turtles, play video games, try to work out, try to keep the house clean, try hard to have an active social life, participate at my Church and maintain a fairly happy healthy life.

My answer is this, I just never stop trying. I don't give up if something slides by the cracks. I have a really supportive and equally busy fiancée and we try really hard to compensate where the other can't. We don't stress about the dishes not being done, (but we will complain about there being no clean forks).

I'm not up on media, I haven't seen the Avengers, I don't get the weekly comics (I wait for the trades and read them on downtime at work), and I normally get to watch a TV show maybe two-three weeks after it aired, or maybe I watch an entire season during my breaks from school (which are few and far between) on my DVR, DVD or Netflix streaming. I read textbooks, and all sorts of fun books randomly and rarely complete one before starting another. I write novels in my head and try to take notes via phone memo, journal or the iPhone’s notepad.

I was a drug addict for 3.75 years, I've been clean for almost seven years. I suffered from depression for almost twenty years, but I've been mindful and self-caring for 5 years. I found ways to counteract my maladaptive behaviors with healthy behaviors. I was an MMORPG/GUILD Leader for almost eight years, and I gave up the guild realizing I was living in a video game, instead of living my own life.

So I guess I've just HAD my lazy years, and there was a time in my life where I wasn't sure whether I'd have a normal life, so when I found a way to achieve my dreams I decided I'd had enough time to squander my life and it was time to start living it: MY LIFE.

So I TRY really hard not to sweat the small shit. I get to what I can, when I can. When I start to notice my warning signs I use my fucking safety plan. When shit is getting overwhelming I make an appointment to see my therapist. When the dishes and laundry need to be done, instead of bitching about it, I do what I can in the miniscule amount of time I have and I'm happy with the results, instead of feeling like a failure.

For school, I get the syllabus and I plan out the entire quarter, when to read, when to watch, when to work on papers. I give myself time to write each paper three-four times, so that come turn in time I don't feel overwhelmed. When I read I highlight all the bold/italicized print and I read the intro and the conclusion, so when it's time for tests I either make flashcards, or if it's open book my brain has mapped the book so I know where to go to find the information.

I force myself to sleep 7 hours a night, if that means I come home and go straight to sleep and don't get any entertainment time, that's what I do. I listen to music on my car ride to work, or podcasts, or YouTube episodes that feature Felicia Day because SHE ALWAYS makes me laugh. I don't complain because I don't get to sit on my ass and play Diablo 3 for 8 hours, I play for 40 minutes when I can, and then I fit in entertainment where there is space in my life. There isn't a lot of room for spontaneity, but I accept that and know that I've finally claimed my life, my space, my time.

This is my life. It's overscheduled, and I miss out on some things, but because I'm mindful, when I get the chance I truly appreciate the moments I DO HAVE. Sometimes just talking to a good friend in the parking lot of her job and getting two hugs is better than spending an entire day doing bull shit. Sometimes going to a ball game because it's your buddy's birthday, catching up on the ride there and seeing an epic homerun right before you leave early to get to work on time, is better than being at a game the entire time and not truly being present.

So yea, I decided to live my life and to not accept "Well I guess this is it, and I'm miserable." I'm the master of MY destiny. It wasn't easy to get here, but it's easy to deal with, and I'm happy. Doesn't mean I don't have bad days (see my solution above). If you really want something, it's worth the hard work to get there.